The Hellblazing Clown
by Doctor John Smith
Summary: Harley is spending her days in Arkham when a new inmate visits. Harley tries to figure out who he is, and in the process, relives when she first treated The Joker.
1. Exorcist in Arkham

**The Hellblazing Clown**

 **Chapter 1: Exorcist in Arkham**

 **By Dr. John Smith**

Harley Quinn sat in her cell at Arkham Asylum, doing nothing but thinking about escaping. It was then that she heard the guards bringing in a new person, she peaked out of her cell to see a blonde haired man in the orange jumpsuit. Usually the guards would hold the 'patient' in cuffs to prevent escape, but he freely walked ahead of them. The head of the guards opened the door to the empty cell next to Harley's.

"Here you go Mr. Constantine. Home sweet home." The guard joked. The man, 'Constantine' shrugged.

"As long as I'm not bothered, I'm fine mate." He said in a cockney accent. He walked into the cell, and the door slammed. Harley removed a brick from the wall, the occupied cell used to be Poison Ivy's, she peered at the man, "Can I help you love?" He asked, sitting on his bed.

"I just wanted to welcome you to Arkham Asylum! I'm Harley Quinn, you're cell neighbor!" She welcomed the English resident.

The man took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, grabbing one with his mouth and lighting it. Harley gasped, "There's no smoking in here! Put that out or B-Man will get ya!" Harley warned him. The new guy chuckled.

"Love, I've seen worse than a bit of lung cancer." He joked before taking a puff. "You said your name was Harley, it'd be rude to not introduce myself; John Constantine." He took another puff. Harley grimaced, when The Joker was alive, he smoked, and she didn't like it at all. Harley gave a weak smile.

"Nice to meet you Johnny! I hope we can be buddies!" Harley cheered.

Constantine rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say kid." He took a drag on his cigarette. Harley then popped a question.

"What brings you to Arkham? I didn't see Batsy with ya." Harley commented. Constantine dropped the bud of his cigarette.

"I did something I'm not proud of..." His voice was filled with regret. She could tell there was a story he had, but his face said he didn't want to tell it. Her years in psychiatry school coaxed her to get him to tell his story, so she tried again.

"Come on Johnny, everyone has a story to tell. So, what's yours?" Harley asked again.

Constantine groaned, "You'll think I'm bonkers."

Harley shook her head, "No I won't, I'm a doctor!" She gleefully smiled. Constantine nodded slowly.

"I caused an accident... It was in a tiny town called New Castle, I was studying to be a master of the occult. Me and a few blokes I knew went to try and summon a spirit, ended up summoning a demon, I tried to send it back to where it came from, but it ended up taking the girl I fancied into it's God forsaken dimension..." His face turned away, "I spent the last twenty years trying to get her back." John finished. He heard a sobbing noise, looking up to see Harley crying.

"That's... So... Beautiful!" She wailed. Constantine rolled his eyes, "So then why are you here?"

"The events in Newcastle didn't exactly leave me be. Had to get away, I used to be in an institution in London, thought I'd check out the famous Arkham Asylum." He looked around his cell, "Feels more like a prison."

"You're half right," Harley told him, "It was meant to be a hospital, but ended up becoming a prison. And the head of the guards is the unknowing Batman." Harley explained. Constantine cocked an eyebrow, "What?"

"Batman? What is he, like half man half bat?" He questioned. Harley giggled.

"No Johnny, that's Man-Bat, Batman is 'some guy' dressed as a bat. Know one knows who he is, but I do!" She stated. That raised an even bigger question in John's head; who was he?

"How do you know?" Constantine asked.

"Mr. Mysterious AKA Batman is married to my friend Red." Harley said. Constantine chuckled.

"And let me guess, this friend 'Red' trusted you with his identity." He inclined, Harley's face sunk back, a smile grew on his face, "She didn't tell you did she!?"

"She did... But I kinda forced it outta her." Harley admitted. Constantine let out a loud laugh.

"You forced the identity of your friend's husband outta her? You are quite something Ms. Quinn." He walked over to the hole in the brick wall, extending his hand, "I hope to see you in group." He said to her.

Harley shook Constantine's hand, hearing the sound of the guards yelling for lights out. As Harley lied in her cot, she looked over to the wall, imagining how John is sleeping. Her doctor instincts took over, and began worrying about how he handles himself with that large weight on his shoulder. She remembered he said "Me and a few blokes." Remembering bloke was English for friend, so she thought there were some friends of his who either no longer talked to him, or he cut off all contact with. Harley closed her eyes, taking it upon herself to become John's personal psychiatrist.

 **Enjoy? Yeah, I ship Harley Quinn and John Constantine. Please review! Still writing the new chapter for "The Mailman and The Strongman" hope this holds you over.**


	2. Group therapy

**The Hellblazing Clown**

 **Chapter 2: Group therapy**

Harley awoke the next morning to the sound of chalk being used. She removed her set of bricks to see John on the other side, writing and drawing strange letters and symbols. She saw the floor of his cell was covered in cigarette buds, and he was drawing furiously, as if he stopped, the world could end, "Hey Johnny, what're you up to?" She said gleefully. Constantine turned to the Harley.

"Working. While I was sleeping, something didn't feel right, so I am working to summon an old friend for help." He said as he kept drawing. Harley poked her chin, then shrugged.

"How do you have so many cigarettes?" She asked curiously.

Constantine threw a piece of chalk, grabbing a newer piece from the box on his bed, "It's a spell. Makes anything you desire unseeable to the naked eye." Constantine explained.

Harley shrugged it off. In her time at Arkham, she's seen many people doing many weird things,vs he shrugged off John's drawing as just a weird quirk. She looked out of her cell to see the guards letting prisoners out, it told her it was group time. She looked back into John's cell, "Hey Johnny, it's group time!" She yelled to him.

Constantine stayed focused on his floor drawing, "That's nice love."

Harley gasped, "You aren't going to group!?"

"No, why should I? It's a pointless excuse to tell doctors we need to be locked up longer." He told her. Harley never thought of that, in all her years as a psychiatrist, she always wondered why the other doctors asked which story told was more radical. She had been helping keep the patients locked up, with very little help at all. The guards opened her cell.

"Alright clown. Group time." The guard told her, she shook her head, the guard grabbed her arms and cuffed her, "Not an option Quinn." She saw a guard dragging Constantine out of his cell.

"What the bloody hell you braggart!?" John yelled.

A guard smacked him, "Shut up Ringo! It's group time, and no other options!" The guard yelled. Constantine groaned as him and Harley were being escorted to group therapy.

"See Johnny. We get no option." Harley told him.

"Sure we do. They just limited them to only one." He explained to her. Constantine and Harley were grown into the cafeteria where groups of inmates sitting at circled tables. Harley saw two seats open next to Two-Face, Catwoman, and Riddler. She grabbed his arm and rushed over to the group.

The doctor heading the group smiled, "Alright. Now that we have out two members, we can begin. I'm Dr. Sanders, and who are all of you?" The doctor gleefully said to the group.

"Two-Face." Two-Face told the doctor.

The Doctor shook his head, "The name you were born with."

Two-Face groaned, "Harvey Dent."

"Selina Kyle." Catwoman introduced.

"Edward Nigma." Riddler said.

"Harley Quinn!" Harley gleefully said.

Constantine stayed quiet, the doctor looked to him, "Sir, introduce yourself."

"Come on Johnny! Pleeeeeeeeeease!" Harley pleaded.

Constantine sighed, "John Constantine."

The doctor and Harley clapped, "Good job! Introducing yourself is the first step to rehabilitation. Now, let's start with who you are and why you're here." The doctor looked to Riddler, "Mr. Nigma?"

John noticed The Riddler had an air of cockiness to him, "My name is Edward Nigma, and I'm here because I enjoy riddles. I even enjoy giving riddles to the big, bad bat." The Riddler chuckled. John groaned and rolled his eyes.

The doctor turned to Catwoman, "Now Ms. Kyle?"

Catwoman purred, "My name is Selina Kyle. I'm here because I'm a kleptomaniac with an affinity for cats. Well, according to Batman." Catwoman said seductively, eying John.

The doctor tugged at his tie, "Well, good Selina. Mr. Dent?"

Two-Face chuckled, "Harvey Dent. I'm here because of the flip of a coin." Two-Face laughed as he flipped his two sided coin.

"Very good Mr. Dent." The doctor turned to Harley, "Ms. Quinn?"

"I'm Harley Quinn, or Harleen Quinzel. I'm here because of that stupid Joker!" She stated, a hint of anger in her voice.

The doctor nodded, "And it's showing that you are making progress." The doctor turned to John, "Mr. Constantine?"

John shrugged, "You want a real reason why I'm here?" She asked.

The doctor nodded, "Yes please."

"The reason I'm here was because when I was a little bugger in Newcastle, England, I studied the dark arts. The occult. Me and a few blokes I was aquatinted with tried to summon a spirit, but something went wrong with the spell, and we summoned a demon. I tried my best to send it back, it ended up taking the girl I loved into it's god forsaken dimension. I spent the rest of my days trying to fix my mistake, and spent a few days in a few institutions." John finished his story, seeing the doctor drop his pen, and others just staring at him. Harley began clapping with glee.

"Woo! Progress!" She cheered. Constantine looked to the others.

"How's that for a reason?" Constantine chuckled, looking to Harley, "Can we go now?"

The doctor nodded, "Yeah... Group time over..." The doctor said. The group began to leave, Two-Face, Catwoman, and Riddler stared as Constantine strolled out, with Harley skipping closely by him.

 **How was it? I love the show Constantine, and am glad old John is moving into the CWDCU. The next chapter may have an important Hellblazer character. Caz.**


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